Sunday, October 7th, 2001
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7:04 pm - LAST ONE BOYS!!!!!!
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Well--I never ever use this anymore, so will make this my last journal!! No tears!! No drama!! Just gonna be way to busy the next few weeks.
Anyway!! Am going to Oklahoma very soon to be with Tommy, I will keep ya'll posted somehow. I will also be coming to chats and online less and less I am thinking, and I have already begun deleting some sites and some contacts. PLEASE do not take offense if I lose touch with any of you!! It's a decision I made, and it has nothing to do with you guys---is my effort to make this thing with tommy work out!!
So for some of you, this may be the last you hear from me for awhile----send me you emails if you are interesting in keepin in touch!!
Love you guys!!! Gonna miss you!!!
current mood:  anxious
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(2 comments | comment on this)
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Monday, September 24th, 2001
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3:48 am - Decisions/decisions.
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Well---I have all but decided to move on guys. I have some choices to make, like where I want to move--I am sooooo sick of nebraska!! Heres my choices--your comments are welcome!!
1. My best friend tommy from Oklahoma, who wants to give a relationship with me a try, and I do love him---BUT he was married and recently decided to split and divorce with his wife.
I could move there anytime.
2. Nicky from Chicago wants me to move up there really bad. He is gay, but we are just really good friends--and it would be more of a roomate situation, not sexual. And he says he could get me work as a DJ at a real dance club
3. I really like Ryan from Aussie--and his friend liam said he thinks it would be kewl to move there, and that he too could get me a job as a DJ. But I really dont know if I could handle moving that far away from family and friends.
4. I am being activly pursued to live in one of them condos with other guys, the ones that have cameras in every room. I think it would be soooooo much fun to live in a situation where everyone is out. BUT ya have to do shows for them, you get paid and all for them, and I really dont have a problem with that.
Anyway!!! I am sick of this state---and not being in a living situation where I cant be who I am.
I am talking within the next month movin--just not sure where.
am leaning heavy to the condo--or oklahoma but havent totally made up my mind
I mean I could visit aussie---or chicago sometimes. right?
I dunno what do ya think?
current mood:  determined
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(3 comments | comment on this)
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Saturday, September 22nd, 2001
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9:44 am - Shame on you Alchemy!
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I really think its awfully selfish of you to spread rumors you are sick to Tim, just so you get a little attention. I mean can you be a bigger drama queen???????
*evil giggles* muahahahaha
Just kidding--I will smack Tim upside the head for you when I sees him. I did a post in echat telling everyone what happened.
huggggggggz!! glad yer okay
current mood:  devious
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(1 comment | comment on this)
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Wednesday, September 12th, 2001
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2:09 am - No comment!
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When the day is done and all the deaths are counted, I hear comments about Bush's "speech patterns"????
All I am saying is opinions are like ass-holes!!
Everyone has one!!!!!
History is the only way to judge anyone or anything that has happpened today---and what will happen in the next few days.
Throwing blame or accusing anyone of being a bad leader is so totally senseless at this point.
Go out--give blood, make yourself useful. Be sad for the ppl and families who are dying or injured, but to comment on things you cannot even begin to comprehend is so useless.
There is no room for political platforms here--omg!!
current mood: anxious
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Friday, September 7th, 2001
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2:14 am - Ode to an Angel
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To quote the beatles
"I heard the news today oh boy"
Today I lost someone so close to my heart that I can't even begin to express my feelings.
Everyone knows the matthew that was fun, but in the past few weeks I got to know the matthew who was scared, and sad. The hours I spent with him while he was not "himself" taught me lessons in life I will never ever forget--ever!!
To talk to the Matthew who (looking back now)must have known his time was coming to an end, was well I cant even express in words how hard it was. To see someone with so much love to give be taken down so senselessly. I'm sorry I can't put down words to do justice to how brave Matthew was.
The only consession I can give to myself is that at the end of our talks when Matthew was sad, he seemed to be be glad I spent time with him. I would spend forever with him --if I thought for one minute it would ease his pain.
Anyway--Matthew always like poetry, I sent him a couple poems lately, and even though I know they were totally rookie attempts, he complimented me on them. I think Matthew would like it if I gave it one more try--this is my way to say goodbye.
Ode To An Angel:
Time and time again I try,
to read his poem called "why me".
But the tears cut into my eyes,
so bad I can barely see.
So I try and remember with the help of friends,
How great it used to be.
To feel his love, when he gave his licks,
to everyone to set them free.
He gave his friends all his love,
no matter what pain he was in.
To think of him anywhere but heaven,
I cannot think of a worse sin.
All the slaps and meds he had to endure,
so he could be here to give us joy.
Don't seem all that bad at least for us,
just to spend more time with this boy.
So to think of him as an Angel now,
it really is a terrible crime.
For you see you had an Angel in front of you,
helping, loving, and licking you all this time.
Whisper your words of respect and love.
to the deaf boy you hold so dear.
But you see he will have the last laugh,
because in heaven Matthew can hear. :)
current mood:  crushed
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(3 comments | comment on this)
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Monday, September 3rd, 2001
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8:26 pm - Good Riddance!!!
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Finally said goodbye to Guy!! OMG I got tears in my eyes!! *sniffs on an onion some more* Yeah theres more of em see!! *sniffs, cries, sniffs, cries*
But ya gotta look at the good side of this. The level of cyber will go up tremedously after Guy goes away! No more cybering and getting 30 seconds in to hear Guy say "was it good for you?"
And no more soccer talk all the time!! OMG if there was ever a sport for Gay people its soccer.
Running around, taking off their shirts, and trotting around the field in low cut shorts. Should change the name to "Femme-ball"
Just think of finally getting rid of the stench from him not showering outta the chat rooms!! And
maybe the animals will finally be safe in the UK!!
But won't suprise me if a huge outbreak of mad cow hits in France!!
One final word in Guys native toungue:
Cheers mate, been bloody great having chin waggles with ya for last couple years. Chip chip cheerio ya daft ape!! Love ya mate--ya wanker!!
Seriously--when I said bye to Guy today I did cry, will never forget you my comedy partner!!
Love you tons and then some you. Huggggz and kisses, good luke mate!!!! Cheers :)~
current mood: crushed
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(2 comments | comment on this)
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Thursday, August 30th, 2001
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9:02 am - THE shower!!!!
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O_M_G!! I have water!! Full pressure and everything!! Took the first shower I had since last October--mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm (yes I have a bath tub--and was bathing--unlike Guy) Only thing missing was someone to share it with. LOL
Only took 6 hours waist deep in mud to get it done, I am like totally sore from head to toe with enuff mosqito bites to kill a horse!!
Anyway--am in a much much better mood now that I can shower/do laundry/dishes!! hehehe I was starting to fell down right british.
Anyway!! if you read this Guy--Adam and me wanna get you in a pvt chat sometime later tonight!! MRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRROW!!!!!! To say goodbye to ya in our own way. (pinned against the bed in handcuffs, butt in the air--taking turns) DOH!
was that outloud???
current mood:  giddy
current music: Queen-Tie Your Guy Down hehehe
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(2 comments | comment on this)
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Wednesday, August 29th, 2001
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1:37 pm - OMG LiveJournal is working!!
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Well--been an interesting week, water is now shut off for the 3rd time this week--they finally found the problem out by the water main, but then said it wasn't their responcibility to fix it.
GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR one of these days I am gonna get to take a nice long shower!!
Well, met someone online, and there's a good chance will be going to meet him this weekend!!
Have only just met, but like an instant atrraction between us. But he is a senior in HighSchool, so any future plans will have to wait I guess. And he is 18!! so hush Guy!!
Really feeling happy and sad at the same time, my home life is a total mess lately with all the problems coming up, and also am sad to see Guy leaving for 9 months--I am gonna miss him terrible!! Now I have to find someone else to abuse and be abused by LOL
At the same time I found a new friend who isn't to far away. Just gotta decide if I wanna get into one of these long distance things, always said I wouldnt, but now I am not so sure. Well, tell me what ya think.
Well--sponge bath tonight unless a miracle happens and we find a plumber by tonight. Yeah right!! LMAO
current mood: anxious
current music: The Cure-- Pictures of You
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Tuesday, August 21st, 2001
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8:51 am - Lotto MADNESS!
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Yet again--no winner!! OMG $175 million is tomorrows jackpot!! A few more million and I might be able to afford sex with Guy!!! YAY!!
LOL send your numbers please!!!!!!!!
Remember only the people who pick numbers get sex!
Wait--okay, cash instead geeeeez!
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(3 comments | comment on this)
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Saturday, August 18th, 2001
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12:51 pm - Aussie's ROCK!
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Got up way early today and came online at about 5am this morning before work. Echat full of cute Aussie boys mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm!! hehehe
Worked--came home--waiting for BB show. blah blah
Tommy is coming over with his b/f justin to stay the rest of the weekend. Been promising a few days stayover for them b4 school starts up again.
Maybe it'll help me get outta this funk mood I been in lately.
Lotto tonight!! if I win--will definetly get me outta this mood! LMAO
current mood: devious
current music: Disturbed whole CD
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(comment on this)
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Friday, August 17th, 2001
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2:15 am - That Justin Guy!!!
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Well I have sunk to the depths of dellusions!! This HOT guy at the club name Justin, who has a g/f by the way, was rubbing up against me and I swear on Guys first lay (bossy the cow), was hitting on me!
OMFG! well anyway, went out to the gay club tonight--watched some loser get his ass pounded in the mens room by strangers!! Without protection!!
All cuz he was drunk and being completely stupid!!
Two guys sexing this mooch in the ass in the 5 minutes I was in the mens room made me wonder why I even "think" about waving a banner for gays?
I am no saint by any stretch of Guys ass--but I mean in the mens room???????? Uggggggggggh!
current mood:  cynical
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(2 comments | comment on this)
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Thursday, August 16th, 2001
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4:22 pm - WOO HOO!
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Well it seems eveyone else sucked too!! Nobody won so jackpot is $120 million for Saturday!!
Try and redeem yourselfs this time!! LOL
hmmmmmmmm How about this time send your least favorite numbers! LOL
current mood: cheerful
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(4 comments | comment on this)
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1:29 am - Back to work---no lotto this time!!
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Well the lowest number picked in the lotto was 37, which means you all SUCK at picking numbers!!
LOL just teasing. So back to work tomorrow *sighs*. I will still send alc a new pencil, but the rest of you have to wait. hehehe
Rained all day today--poor pups are mudballs, along with my floors! grrrrrrrr But they gotta eat I guess. I have to get some more pics--they are getting so big! I already need to buy a taller fence, they can almost jump the 5 foot fence. Well they can jump it--but their front paws can get over, and I am afraid they will catch their back ones in the fence and get hurt.
Anyway!! back to work at 6am--so I best go to bed sooon. BIG job tomorrow starts tomorrow, doing 3 story apartment complex. Uggggggggh! !!
current mood: frustrated
current music: disturbed -- down with the sickness
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(4 comments | comment on this)
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Monday, August 13th, 2001
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6:34 am - Wind Chills
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OMG woke up and checked the weather like every morning. It changed from "heat index" to a wind chill of 63 degrees!! wooo hoooo!!
Talked to nicky and Bry last night on the phone, then nicky called back, but I was Zzzzzzzzzzzzzz!
Poor guy---talking to me answering yet again. hehe
Off to drive a dump truck with old shingles on it to the landfill--its a 1960 chevy dump truck, so I say a little prayer everytime I drive it! I fear anything 22 years older than me!! LOL
Lottery is over $100 million dollars this week! If I win I am buying all my friends cars or something--so send me you favorite number!!!!!
has to be between 1-45 though!! You have until wednesday to send me you lucky numbers!! hehehe
I promise to buy Guy a new shirt too!! LOL
hmmmmmm and I will buy
Alchemy a new pencil!!
love yas! time to drive *grabs rabbit foot and 4 leaf clover* hehe
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Sunday, August 12th, 2001
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9:01 pm - Enough of this CRAP!
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Well--I have decided to get out of this mood I am in!! I am all pissed off because Jeremy is gone and because they replaced me in the dance club I helped make with "Karaoke"!!!!
OMFG it don't get any lower than that---am very very seriously thinking of taking Nicky up on his offer to move to Chicago. This fucking state is so backwards--I can't believe this crap!
Anyway!! I am going out this week to the gay club and talk to every DJ there about getting a job there. And if not that I am gonna start looking for friends!! And if I have to get on my knees and blow every DJ there--then thats just what I will have to do! LOL
And if not that I guess I better learn to sing "Margaritaville" and get my job back
LMAO NOT!!!!! If I hear one more person sing who cant carry a tune--even if they stored it in Guys ass, I am gonna vomit!!!
ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh I feel better----and by god even got a joke in there about Guy!! hehehehe
current mood: ditzy
current music: Scooby Doo Theme
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(3 comments | comment on this)
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Saturday, August 11th, 2001
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6:42 pm
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Well, I been getting hell for not keeping up my journal--some ppl!! LOL Yeah I know I been lazy, so here ya go poofs!!
Been having a bad case of the blues since me the Jeremy thing--mostly working and staying home, I guess if you haven't been in a long term relationship, you might not realize just how hard it is to be living alone. Not having that person
next to you at night.... But someone said is better to love and lost then never to have loved
at all. To him I say ummmmmmmm BITE ME!! hehe
Did have a really nice talk with Alchemy last night, for a change he wasnt on the run going to here or there and we got to talk for a long time.
I really like Ryan, its not very often I hang out with smart people--seeeings as I aint smart.
Also spent some time with Matthew, he is such an awesome cutie--never get tired of his humor and well hes just so cute!! hehehe
Now see Guy is funny--but he aint cute, if he was well he would be totally kewl. LMAO j/k Guy!! You know I just wrote that part to get you out in the open again!! Where you hidding this time?
Anyway!! Thanks to my lil bro Travis--who spent time with me on my worst night--love ya bro!!
Geeez I am going on and on about nutting in particular haha Oh!! And To Ryandude! Quit bitching! I wrote in this already!! LOL
current mood:  blah
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Saturday, July 28th, 2001
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1:38 pm - My Life!!!
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Anywho--if you didn't already hear, me and Jeremy broke up again--this time for the last time I think. I kinda suspected he was still seeing someone else, and this week I found out I was right.
We went to the dance like planned--it was fun, but got a little to drunk. Some guy started hitting on Jeremy, and even after I told him to back off--he groped Jeremy *down there*. Well I got up and hit him a few times about the face before a few friends broke it up. He ended up with a bloody nose, and well Jeremy ended up leaving with some friends.
Might have been okay, but I went after Jeremy to talk with him, and words were exchanged and at some time I called Jeremy a slut. That pretty much put the nail in the coffin.
So this week I threw myself into work because I really didn't give a rats ass about anything else.
Long days and longer nights all week, but ehhhh!
Anyway, just kinda hung around gay.com meeting some new friends. Was kinda refreshing really, but I do miss my friends a lot from echat. So I will be stopping in to see you all.
Well---didnt really miss Guy all that much but thats natural. hehehehe j/k Guy!!!
Okay I promise next entry will be less depressing!! LOL
current mood:  predatory
current music: Paul Again!! I love that song hehee
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1:25 pm - Okay Back
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Well took a week off from both live journal and pretty much echat too. Got caught up in the little battles going on and pretty much thought that we were above that--I was wrong.
I have heard "it's just a game" enough to about make me puke--but its true. If ya can't handle a little abuse ya really shouldn't get into Ryan's games. Survivor was a good time!! And from my brief stops into the Big Brother logs, it really looks like fun to me. But alas it obviously isn't for everyone.
Yes I deleted some off my live journal, for reasons I will get into briefly here--but maybe I was wrong to do that. All I know is if you mess with Echat, I don't really want anything to do with you. Echat has been a great place to chat with friends without the hassles of gay.com. Also, if you choose sides I really don't think your being very mature about it either.
Anyway!! Thats my 2 cents worth---it will be the last you hear about any of this from me, but I felt I owed an explanation. By the way, OMFG Matthew is a laugh riot in Big Brother--I about pee'd myself LOL
current mood:  exhausted
current music: Paul Oakenfold-Planet Of The Apes
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(1 comment | comment on this)
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Sunday, July 22nd, 2001
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12:24 pm
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Gonna spend some time away from live journal--just isnt fun here anymore. Farts to all you who turned this place into their political stomping grounds. Jesus fucking christ--lighten up guys, this is suppose to ummmmmm nevermind!!
You all know I dont mean all of you--you guys know I love you, just pissed major at a few of you.
current mood: annoyed
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Saturday, July 21st, 2001
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6:52 pm - SEX!!
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Got your attention huh? hehe
Been awhile since I did an entry--been working and all that good stuff, feeling better blah blah blah.
Its freaking HOT!! all week bleck! So tonight we are going out to see a band and do some dancing. Last time we seen this band, its was way hot--lots of sweaty guys dancing, some without shirts on (including me) LOL
Otherwise--puppies are good--jeremy is good, just missing GuyUK!!! Where is that sexy brit at??
hehehe
Welcome home to matthew16uk---hugggggles him tight!
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